Category Archives: Match Reports

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D is for Defence

Morning all – welcome to the latest stats update following our narrow defeat by Kingston:

 

Aug 3rd Stats

 

Our defeat to Kingston (9-8) represents our 8th defeat in a row – but in all of these games we have lost by no more than 4 goals at any time. We are so close to breaking this run, and just that little bit of extra effort (training) can help us break through!! We played pretty well on Wednesday, especially with our man-down defence.  We even successfully defended our goal whilst keeper Matt “fists of fury” Finch sat through his major. I think we were beaten based on the number of subs – our tiredness stopped us attacking properly – so lets try and get some more numbers down to games, we shouldn’t be struggling to get 8 players together…

 

MoM: this went to Finchy this week for 2 quarters of top keeping and two quarters of goal scoring – picking up 3 goals and 2 majors. Finch broke his recent form of bouncing shots over the goal by actually putting them away this time!!

Moment: This went to the whole team this week for our superb man down defence. Of the 7 man-downs we had, we only conceded 1 goal. Top effort!! It looks as if we have managed to remember what to do again!!

Fluffer: This went to me this week for missing an opportunity to score (and level) with 20 seconds to go. Having “brilliantly” turned my man and got through on goal, I got cramp just as I went to shoot – skying the shot and then proceeding to cry like a girl. I can only apologise!!

 

As for the stats – Nick’s goal scoring has slowed now, with only 4 goals in the last 3 games. If he wants to hit 100, he needs to pick his game up. Finch launches himself up the table with his 3 goals this week, whilst Tim and I look to try and break our tie and catch up with the leading pack. The Catas-Trophy is still hotly contended, and I think Rob might have died again – either that or it’s his stinky chat I can smell…

 

Forza Narwhali!!

 

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Major Problems and General Stupidity

Hello Gents,

Following another bruising and hard fought encounter with Croydon, we unfortunately fell to another defeat, this time 10-8. Despite Croydon having some interesting 2nd team selections, and some dubious refereeing decisions, we played very well and scored some really good goals. Our all round general good play led to us having an 8-7 lead going into the 4th Quarter. Unfortunately we had to play that quarter with only 6 players as both myself and Tim had picked up 3 majors each… Despite going 3mins 45secs without conceding a goal, we unfortunately let 3 goals in and lost the game. It was a great effort from the team though!!
  • As a result of his indiscretions this week, Tim “2 Hands” Young received the Fluffer award. I must admit, he only beat me by one vote, but given my comments from last week (and I quote) “Tim is looking to break his Maddie rate, with three in a row now. With a game against Croydon coming up, maybe he should just hit someone…“, perhaps he took this a bit too literally…
  • Man of the match went to Oggy for his 4 goal haul and having to fight different Croydon pit defenders the whole game.
  • Moment of the match almost unanimously went to Gary “was that a shot?” Bowen for his spectacular long range effort to grab his 2nd goal and double his tally for the year.
 
Other incidents of note include Finchy’s big sulk at the end of the game, our inability to drop despite discussing it for a whole time out (thanks guys) and the fact that 2 votes for fluffer went to the referee… I think the less said about that the better!!
 
Anyway, on to the stats. Nick continues to push on for his 100 goal tally for the year. Oggy is pushing Phil “woodwork” Richards for 2nd spot whilst myself and Tim battle it out for 4th. My clumsy majors this weeks puts some distance between myself and Holah for the Catas Trophy but keep your eyes peeled as Mr. Shute is slowly closing in on the leading pack. We need Simon to get better to stop Chapman escaping the relegation zone, and meanwhile Gary has put another surge in to move up the table.
 
Until next time boys – Volo ego eram aptus
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Close but no Cigar…

Hello gentlemen,
Another stats report for your delectation. Wednesday saw a close game against Reading end in a 10-9 defeat. There have been a string of games this season where we have lost by just one goal – which just shows how close we are to getting a W rather than an L. In places we played really well – in particular the 2nd and 3rd quarters were where we played some good polo. I think again, our man-ups and man-downs have become quite sloppy – and if we work on these in training then we would probably concede less goals and maybe get a few more for ourselves… that being said, we do need to make sure that Phil isn’t shooting… more on that later…
  • Man of the Match this week was a close run thing – Bummage’s sterling work between the sticks just beaten by Oggy’s constant battles in the pit. Three goals to the good for Mr. Ogg secured his MoM.
  • Moment of the Match goes to Phil “my girlfriends here, it’s the 3rd quarter and I haven’t scored so I better do a bounce shot from 8m” Richards, who, scored a delightful bounce shot from 8m out. Very nice work Phil… however…
  • Phil also wins the fluffer award… a somewhat harsh decision, but he did again blaze several shots over the bar, or at the posts, especially on man-ups.
Other points of interest include Reading lobbing myself and Burridge with a foot flick from the pit, John “Hardman” Holah put in other “major” performance and someone let Rob “see you in 3 months” Chapman score…
As for the stats, Nick pushes his tally to 65 goals. With 10 games left (until October) and some Winter League games yet to be arranged for November and December, his current goals per game ratio puts him on course to hit the 100 goal mark again. John and I are now tying on Majors. John is famed for a decidedly more brutal 2nd half of the year, so the competition for the Catas-Trophy is really hotting up!! Tim is looking to break his Maddie rate, with three in a row now. With a game against Croydon coming up, maybe he should just hit someone…
Until next time boys – Volo ego eram aptus
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Please send me out, I really need a rest…

This weeks report takes us to the battle of Croydon, where the well behaved Narwhals went down 9-8 to an unusually aggressive and mouthy Amphibs team. In parts we played well, winning the third 3-0, but again going down in the 3rd quarter. Our man down defense was shaky, despite the delightful tactical video we have done for you but that being said, there was a lot of good work being done.
Special mention must go to John Holah who managed to record his first 3 major game this year, now only 1 major behind in the Catas-Trophy. Despite the rest of us trying really, really hard to get a major, John seemed to be picking them up for fun. A third major in the 3rd quarter almost secured the Fluffer award for him – however this week it is unanimously awarded to the Sheikh who’s passing was, in all honesty, awful. Man of the Match goes to Mr. Finch for some good saves and for again securing himself a major – most brutal Keeper in Croydon… Moment of the match is awarded to our new boy Tadija for a superb lob that sent the keeper the wrong way. He will tell you he meant it…
In other news, Croydon had an argument with the referee’s and it seemed that for most of the 4th quarter we were just having a free swim. I think however that it was a cunning ploy, much like the “injury break” in tennis, to disrupt our rhythm. A formal investigation is being launched.
In the stats, Nick stays at the top on goals, Chapman has basically died but promises to return in July and John and I have powered away from the field in the major king stakes. Tim’s turn of form in May and June has slowed, picking up a 2nd maddy in 2 games whilst Phil continues to be the top fluffer!!
Until next time Gents!!
Forza Narwhali!! (Volo ego eram aptus)
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Noorf vs Saaf London

This week Narwhals were again defeated in the London League, but not without a fight, against a strong Enfield team. The mighty 7 1/2 Narwhals went down 12-7 to the 11 strong Enfield team, with 4 kids, going on Olympians, who proceeded the game with press ups, stretching and Dr Dre beats on (meanwhile Floater was havig a poo)… You’re in South London now boys, not Rio 2016.

With 5 hours until kick off Whitgift kindly informed us we had to start at 9 and not 9.30, so thanks to Gary and Finchy for sorting the oppo and ref, not so much for Tris who turned up at half time, more on that later. A tight first quarter ended 1-1, with some sloppy play from us but decent chasing back to stop the goals. The second half continued to be a little sloppy, ending 7-3 with only Bummage scoring a nice over the top ball and Phil banging in a man up but Enflield getting 6 goals mainly from us losing posession and them breaking away.

Not having got the message about the early start (even though everyone else did), Tris arrived at half time to take the numbers to 8. This inspired a come back with a 2-1 win in the 3rd to take the score to 8-5, and a cracking start to the 4th to get the score back to 8-7. As the final score suggests, we then ran out of steam and their 16 year old Olympians showed up our fitness as they broke constantly bagging another 5 goals to end the game at 12-7.

MotM this week goes to Shute with another 4 goals to add to his quest for the century. One goal being a lovely flick in from Garys wonderpass, however this was beaten to Moment by Phil “massive 12.5” Richards who won both swim offs in the second half. Gamble eat your heart out. Fluffer goes to Tris, for reasons explained above. Special mention for debutant Tadija “Pendold” “Tony” Popovic who put in a solid performance, even gettig a major to avoid a Maddy.

Some good play, some bad play. Couple more players and we would have taken them all the way, but in the end fitness and lack of players lost us the game again. Volo ego eram aptus.

Disclaimer: Due to lack of Gamble, the following stats are probably made up.

Shute takes his tally to 60 at the half way stage of the year, Phil strengthens his Champions League Place with another goal, Bummge climbs the table with 2 nicely taken goals. New boy Popovic got stuck in and avoided the Maddy with a major to start his career. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for Young, Heath and Bowen who all had their minds in Portugal.

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The good, the bad and the ugly…‏

Gents,

June 18th Stats

A double header for you today on the stats front – following a disappointing week where we have lost twice.
Monday saw a narrow loss of 10-9 to Avondale II’s. Despite having only 7 players and Lash in goal, we played surprisingly well, winning the 2nd, 3rd and 4th quarters. We were only let down by a poor start to the game. In other news, Stu maddied and we were very disappointed in his performance.
  • Man of the match went to Tim “Pocket Rocket” Young who by all accounts played very well. The culmination of which was a very nicely worked goal with Mr. Shute…
  • Moment of the match went Nick and Tim for said goal. Working it down the right hand side of the pool, they passed back and forth working space before Tim buried the shot. Some lovely counter attacking polo.
  • Fluffer goes to Phil “wasted opportunity” Richards who, with only 5 seconds on the clock, and with the Narwhals only a goal down (on a man-up) decided to blast over from 5m. This is a somewhat harsh award as he had scored 3 goals – and Bummage was a close second for a dreadful lob attempt – but given it could have drawn the game, we really needed that to go in…
Wednesday was the final of the Tom Dwyer Cup. With the Champions League anthem ringing in our ears we decided not to show up. In a performance riddled with errors, we fell to a 16-11 defeat (with a 2 goal head-start). We failed to perform basic tactics and were beaten on the break too many times. At some point someone even threw a ladies ball into the pool……
  • Man of the Match was awarded to Oggy for his efforts in the pit. Collecting 3 goals, he put in a stirling effort against what was a tough Sutton team.
  • Moment of the match goes to Bummage for scoring a goal that no one saw… We all swam back to defend, and whilst we were setting up on our men, the whistle went and a goal was awarded. Burridge swims back to the middle of the pool, everyone is bemused…
  • Despite there being a number of candidates, and I had 2 votes for the whole team, the winner is John “can’t catch” Holah for scoring an own goal. A block forced the ball to land in front of him whilst he gallantly defended the post. He then proceeded to flick the ball into his own net… Sorry John – that’s your first fluff.
In the stats table, things pretty much stay as they are. The top 3 remain untroubled, Chapman might as well give up and despite having played 14 more games than him, I have finally outscored Bedford. Motivation to come back?
Until next time – do some bloody training and learn the tactics.
Forza Narwhali!!
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Welcome to Tactics corner with Uncle Weeble…‏

Sunday saw a plucky 8 tackle the traffic of the M25 to play Watford 2’s in the London League. For a while we though we only had 7 players, but it just turned out John “Pre-match Poo” Holah was having a massive dump – he eventually made his way to the pool side…

June 9th Stats

For the first two quarters of this game we played very well, with the score at half-time being 4-4. We then let ourselves down for 4mins in the 3rd and 3mins in the 4th quarter, conceding 12 goals in total. The final score of 16-11 does not do our valiant 8 justice, but given that nearly all 12 goals came from breakaways, it does highlight our need to either train more or ensure we have more than 8 players.

That being said, we all put in a big effort and everyone was shattered at the end. I definitely think that we can give them a very good game when they visit us if we can get an extra 1/2 people along. It is also becoming more and more apparent that we need to start practicing our man-ups and man-downs – so get down to training in numbers!! I expect you all to visit our new spot Tactics corner to refresh your memory!!

  • Man of the Match this week is our first joint award. Both Nick and I got 3 votes each with Phil in a close 2nd. Given the effort we all put in this weekend, I would like to think we are all in some way, man of the match… (Naaaaattt!!) I am sure Sheikh Harwood will offer up some stinky chat about this – I can’t wait…
  • Moment of the Match is awarded to Tim “he does what he wants” Young, who successfully stole the ball and then buried it past the keeper – top shooting!! I notice that no one chose to vote me for winning TWO swim offs this week!! They had to move the halfway mark to stop me winning in the 2nd half!!
  • Fluffer this week goes to Tom “foul mouth” Burridge for his tirade towards the officials. It is hoped that this public name and shame will motivate him to clean up his act. On the other hand, I personally enjoy the running commentary on all the terrible things being done to him… You would never think to retaliate would you Tom…?

In other news, big shout out to Phil Richards with a 3 goal haul – and rectifying his issue of last week by letting us know he was actually in the pool. Matt “Crusher” Finch is steadily racking up his major count in goal – this week rectifying a harsh penalty decision by saving the resulting shot. He is now sitting pretty on a brutality rating of 3.00 alongside John “Bruiser” Holah.

In the stats table as we enter the halfway point in the season, Nick has now broken 50 goals. Will he reach the 100 goal mark? Start placing your bets now!! John is slowly gaining on me to try and get his hands on the Catas Trophy for a 2nd time. He traditionally has a “strong” second half to the season, so only time will tell!! At the bottom of the table, Rob “I’m really busy” Chapman has slipped into the danger zone – and we all await the arrival of Luke “Cup Final” Penfold…

Until next time – Volo ego eram aptus

Forza Narwhali!!

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It’s like watching Brazil…

Happy Friday Gents!!

Apologies for the delay in the stats report, I have had a lot on at work – admittedly not as busy as Rob “chained to my desk” Chapman, but enough to slightly delay the publishing of the stats!! Any way, here we go…

June 5th stats

Wednesday showed what a difference a decent pool and Sutton and Cheam coming with a team that better resembled a 2nd team could do. Having lost by 9 goals the last time we played them, we succeeded in getting a big fat “W” on the board with a satisfying 12-11 win. Having lost 5 games on the trot (2 of those to Sutton), it was nice to stop the slide. Onwards and upwards!! Having been 4-1 down after the first quarter, we got our act together, went to a full press and won the 2nd 4-2. What then followed was a game of “anything you can do, we can do better” with a series of flicks, lobs, unprecedented “skills” and some really good goals. For the whole of the 3rd and 4th quarter, there was only 1 goal in it – it was some very exciting polo – at one point I even heard the “crowd” cheer… bloody hell… Throw into the mix some decent man-down defence (again) it was a very good game all round!!
  • Man of the Match went to Nick “Goals Goals Goals” Shute for his 6 goal tally. This is the 3rd week in a row he has won MoM and he is now 2 goals off the half century.
  • Moment of the match went to Tom “Bumaldinio” Bummage for his superb goal – rising from the depths, under immense pressure – to turn his pit defender, flick the ball back over the defenders head, and then lob the stranded Sutton keeper. We didn’t know you had it in you!!
  • Fluffer award went to Phil “no woman no cry” Richards this week for his non-appearance. It seems he let his off-field, extra-marital problems affect his match performance and he recorded a big fat Maddy. He should take a leaf out of Finchy’s book – who has never allowed his Jeremy Kyle worthy private life influence his performance in the pool…
Special mentions also need to go to John “Lycra” Holah who smashed in two goals and to Finchy for allowing us to play some free flowing route one polo with his distribution from goal.
As for the stats chart itself, Nick is still pushing on in his quest for a 3rd Golden Ball (whey) whilst Holah is doing his best to push me all the way for Major King. Matt “Crusher” Finch is closing in on having a leading brutality rating given his preference to give away majors and penalties as a keeper… Shocking!!
See you Sunday for the game vs. Watford!!
Forza Narwhali!!
And as discussed on Wednesday, I am proud to introduce our new Latin club motto: “Volo ego eram aptus” (loosely translated as “I wish I was fit”) – based on the popular phrase: “If only we were fitter” – alternatively “Si tantum nos erant aptus”
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I don’t understand helmets… they go right over my head…

Hello all,
Following our 16-7 defeat to a Sutton and Cheam “2nd” team (featuring an Olympian and some 1st team players) as well as a certain Mr. Lenki reffing – here are this weeks stats:
As we arrived at the pool and saw who we were playing and who was reffing, we took a deep breath and prepared to batten down the hatches, put on our helmets and prepare for an onslaught. I don’t want to complain too much, but I think there is a dubious selection policy at Sutton, even if it is “within the rules”… it pushes the definition of 2nd team to its limit…
Anyway, down to business – given some wayward passing and inability to win minor fouls, we were beaten on the counter attack several times in the first two quarters. Our third quarter however was significantly better, resulting in a 3-1 win. I will focus on the positives – we had some really good man-down defense, and the majority of our man-ups ended in goals. When we spoke to each other and got organised, we were solid to break down and we were able to frustrate the opposition. We got a lot of practice at man-down, with our major count being 8 to Sutton’s 3. Holah and Burridge clearly have thug like reputations – yet try as I did, Lenki refused to major me!!
Down to the awards – today we have our first clean sweep of the year. Nick “gets all the awards” Shute collected 2 goals, a major and all 3 awards – MoM, Fluffer and Moment. Tip your helmets in appreciation gentlemen!! Man of the Match was awarded for his goals, moment for his backhand helmet shot and Fluffer (with all 8 votes) for passing to the opposition/getting mugged by a 14 year old. Special mentions go to Tom “mouthy” Burridge for travelling from France to play and to Phil “No.2” Richards for putting away more shots than he scored!!
Despite the odds not being in our favour, good effort yesterday boys. Remember, everything gets better with training…
Until next time, happy helmet hunting!!
Gimli
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Stats Democracy in action

Lads,

May 14th stats

A slightly delayed stats update following an impressive spread vote for moment of the match. This follows a last minute (well, 10 seconds) defeat to Beckenham II’s (11-10).

Despite a magnificent come back in the 4th quarter which saw us level the game from 3 goals down, we were defeated by a last gasp goal. Having called a time out and scored from our man-up, we only had to defend for 12 seconds to tie the game. Unfortunately we didnt manage that and it was then too late to come back again. Despite some hit and miss passing in the first two quarters, our 4th quarter full press worked remarkably well, and in a game that saw 19 majors between both sides, our man-up/man-down tactics worked fairly well – the only way to improve is to train…

Man of the match was awarded to Nick “back in form” Shute who picked up 4 goals. He narrowly beat Bummage and Oggy who got 2 votes each. However, Fluffer award was also awarded to Nick – who following Oggy winning a major, decided to pass the ball straight to a Beckenham player, despite us having a 3 on 1. That being said, he only narrowly beat Matt “I’ll save anything as long it isn’t straight at me or from outside 5m” Finch. Moment of the match, for a long time was a 6 way tie, the nominees being:
– Floater swallowing half the pool in Q1
– Full press in the 4th Quarter (team)
– Ed winning a Swim off
– Ed winning a penalty (and Nick scoring it) – mostly Ed being in a position to win a penalty…
– Ogg scoring to tie the game
– Nick’s “other” pass – which led to a goal

However, with a Oggy no vote, we waited for Phil to cast the deciding vote. His response… “can’t really think of one…” – When pushed for a decision, he graciously chose me winning a swim-off. Thanks guys, its nice to be appreciated!!

Stats wise, Gary “Corporate Golfing trip” Bowen has found his form and is working his way up the scoring charts. I continue my bruising encounters with the Major king, whilst Nick maintains his position as top scorer. Having given away two penalties on Tuesday, Finch is the most aggressive keeper we have ever seen… be careful…

As a final note, the stats will now also be uploaded to the Narwhals website and can be found here (https://www.owsc.org.uk/category/match-reports/). As of next week, all reports will go online and I will only send out the link. Have a look at the site and enjoy!!

Until next time… Forza Narwhali!!