A tale from the Victoria Line – There and Back again (a Hobbits story)

New for 2017 – Tales from the Underground. A vivid and dramatic retelling of all the epic journeys the Narwhals take for their games. This week we learn of Nick “gammy eye” Shute’s momentous traverse of the Victoria Line…

Apologies for the length… (wheeeeeyyyyy)

There and Back again (a Hobbits story)

Sitting at home, enjoying my pipe weed and a rather large glass of scotch, a message from Finchy the Multicoloured arrived, an invitation to an adventure to a not so travelled land, somewhere deep in the Forest of Waltham. I got out my map and traced my finger up the old and fading parchment to the destination given. It is only then I realised what was being asked of me, a truly daunting and dangerous, but at the same time exciting and exhilarating journey awaited. The opportunity to travel the route so many have attempted in the history of the Underground, the opportunity to tunnel the length of the Victoria line in search of adventure, an opportunity for glory!! The quest? To destroy the evil horde of Eastern Otters, who had infected those northern lands for too long.

It was January 24th, two thousand and seventeen years since Grand Masters Bowen and Mann first ranged into those wild lands. I knew I would need my speedos, and a towel for a shower after the battle – assuming I survived of course!! So into my knapsack these items went, along with a mountain jacket, hat, scarf and my trusty seeing lenses.  I left the Hill of St Reatham in an anxious mood, not knowing what the night would bring, though luckily the journey to the start of the tunnel system was quiet and uneventful.

Approaching the entrance to the southern gate of Brixton I noticed little difference to the normal atmosphere. I’d been here many times before, and bar a few wondering souls who’d lost their minds to pipe weed, and a follower of the Lord of Limoncello preaching away, it was quiet at this time. I descended into the darkness, and so my quest began.

Now I have travelled through the lands of peace and prosperity south of the river many times, and so the I was unconcerned as I travelled deeper into the cave network. Arriving at Stockwell I had a slight rest while I waited for my travelling companion Bronn Weasley, my ginger gardener. It is well known that no journey is complete without a ginger gardener companion, no matter how grumpy they are. Together we passed through the boarder lands of Vauxhall and Pimlico, quiet places where few venture, and onto the first main station, Victoria.

Victoria was once a beautiful place, full of splendour and the bustle of life. These days it is a desolate land, the Southern Rail virus having swept through hundreds of years ago, starving the area of trade from the fertile realms of Surrey and Sussex. These days a few travellers from foreign lands pass through, it’s a sad sight, however it did not pose any threat and we had to move on.

Passing through Green Park we arrived at Oxford Circus without fuss, and despite the numerous inns and bawdy houses and women of the night, we were not moved from our course and continued our journey onwards. We were starting to enjoy the adventure, and we relaxed and discussed property prices and travelling to other distant lands, but little did we know we’d been followed. On the Northern fringes, between Warren Street and Euston, we were ambushed by Northerners who had travelled down on the mighty Pendalinos. I was hit in the eye and went down, and if it wasn’t for Bronn I wouldn’t be here today, as he slew many foemen, even after taking a nasty club to the wrist. Eventually they broke and ran – even these villains dared not venture as far north as we intended to go. Bronn carried me into hiding, and there we stayed whilst we passed the mighty terminal of Kings Cross.

I was in and out of consciousness for a long time, and only have the faintest memories of passing Highbury and Islington. These desolate northern reaches of marshland are sparsely populated, and we managed to navigate without being seen. I came around during the long stretch between Highbury and Finsbury Park, to a musing Bronn. “Whatever is the matter my dear friend Bronn?” I asked. “This is the furthest north I have ever been on the Victoria Line” was his reply. “Well Bronn” I said, “I’m glad I’m here to share this moment with you”. “I’m not” replied Bronn… It was then we heard a horrible screech in the distance, and we knew we had passed beyond the realms of the free world.

We hid from the impending danger, and as we stopped at Finsbury Park all sorts of evil creatures emerged. I built the courage to sneak a glance and the beasts were most foul, Arsenal Fans… As we continued further north, we did our best to stay out of sight of these whinging, whining creatures. A long time ago I had travelled to these lands, however that was in lighter days. The route I knew. How to avoid the evil that now resided here I did not. Despite our best efforts we were eventually caught by the Seven Sisters. We were dragged and tortured all the way to the fortress of Tottenham Hale, dumped in cells and left to die. Little did they know I had once fought in these lands before, and knew the design of the cells. I broke us free and to escape we choked the guards silently (which Bronn seemed to enjoy a little too much), stole their armour and slipped through the back door.

The Blackhorse Road has fallen into disrepair, and many parts are now impossible to distinguish from the barren waste that surrounds it. Many times we got lost in the jagged peaks, only saved by the occasional glimpse of the distant forest. It was here we’d arranged to meet two fellow companions for the final part of our journey. On the outskirts of Walthamstow, we stopped, and peering over the final ridge all we could see were hordes of Northern Otters, the foul brothers of the our Eastern Foes.

All of a sudden a horn blared out from the station, ‘Bedeeeer! Bedeeeer, Bedeeeer!’. “The horn of the Narhwal Lord!” Bronn exclaimed, “Lord Oggy must be nearby!!”. We ran with a renewed vigour, but before we could reach the East side we ran into what seemed an infinite number of foes. We fought hard, but sheer numbers meant we were quickly surrounded. As they closed in, I closed my eyes and prayed to the Lord of Limoncello, the whole journey flashed before me. Out of nowhere a hand grabbed me by the shoulder, “Get on!”, it was Dr Loveless on his big black 5 seater stallion, just in time. We jumped on, “Lord Oggy is on the other side!” we shouted to him. Finishing his funnel and laying aside his woodwork tools, Loveless rode hard and fast, and in the distance Oggy became visible, smashing and wresting foes aside. “He learnt that of Punchy Holah” muttered Bronn. Oggy saw us just as we rode past, and on our second pass he jumped onto the front of Loveless’ black stallion and we rode into the safety of the forest.

As we travelled further into the forest we only had my old map to guide us. Initially we missed the secret entrance, however on returning we found the gate, tethered the horse and ascended the mighty steps of the College. This was where Finchy the Multicoloured had promised us he’d be waiting what felt like an age ago. There, waiting, was Grand Master Bowen and the dwarf Gimli, Destroyer of Rings. “We thought Poobaka was with you?” I asked, “Shitting” replied Gimli, “Fair”. “What of Finchy?”, “No sign”, “Oh well, fuck him.” We descended into the depths of the fortress to where the Eastern Otters lay waiting.

We lined up across the battlefield, ready to take on the Otters with a hardy 7. It was suicidal, but what choice did we have? We had fought against worse odds, the memory of the Skirmish of Stratford against the Orca Tribe came to mind.  Then, from nowhere, “Waheeeeey!”. It was Finchy the Multicoloured, mincing onto poolside, late as always (although a wizard always arrives precisely when they need to), with the Lord of Limoncello himself!! Alongside them came the two padwans Zach and Charles. The battle raged around us, but with extra numbers and superior skills we demolished the Otters where they stood. After the battle, no one could find Zach or Gimli.

To celebrate our great victory, we went for a pint. Bronn, Lord Oggy and I jumped back on Loveless’ stallion for a lift back to Walthamstow. News of the Otters defeat had routed all evil in the northern wastes, and our journey home was without incident. Half way back Lord Oggy left us to fly across the sea to the West, and myself and Bronn had a leisurely journey back down to Stockwell where we parted ways. Getting home, I thanked the Lord of Limoncello I’d made it back in one piece, a worthy trip of the full Victoria line to vanquish the Otters with ease.

2016 – Season Re-Cap

Sorry for the delay gents, but as we approach the end of the year, I am now happy to provide the end of season stats report: end-of-season

This year saw a lot of success – one league trophy, a Tom Dwyer Cup penalty shoot-out win, a classic tour, some decent socials and the Narwhals first foray into Hollywood. Not only that but we had an extremely successful Christmas dinner that ended with Turbo Shandies in Bad Apple – what more could you ask for? Perhaps the 2nd best new “B-log” of 2016 – Floaters Poo Corner!!

I also realise we have a match report missing. Sadly our last game of the season ended in a 12-10 defeat to Guildford where we conceded 7 goals in the 3rd quarter… Other highlights included a Gamble hatrick, Finch Snr coming out of goal and not scoring, and Rob’s mum offering us “support”… The customary awards gave Man of the Match to Ed “superstar” Gamble, Moment to Matt “Double save” Finch and Fluffer to Matt “can’t score, won’t score” Finch. Maddies went to Phil “who?” Richards, Zac “better than his dad” Finch, Matt “goalless” Finch and Charles “sorry my mum won’t let me play” King-Tenison. Here is a picture:

maddie

Now for the Christmas Dinner.

A great evening had by all. A slightly left field choice of Christmas Curry was delightful – even the shine of the evening couldn’t be ruined by the appearance of Tom “Lash Monster” Walklate!! And now in no particular order… the awards…

Top Scorer (Golden Hand): Dan Bedford (85 goals)

Catas Trophy (Thug): John Holah (31)

Club Man (the Thanks for Trying award): Nick Shute

Man of the Year (most MoM’s): 1. Dan Bedford (8) 2. Andy Ogg (4) 3. Gamble, Holah, Shute & Finch (3)

Magic Moments: 1. Shute (9) 2. Gamble (8) 3. Bedford (6)

Fluffer: 1. Matt Finch (6) 2. Tadija (5) 3. Rob (4)

Where’s Wally: 1. Chris Mann (7) 2. Phil Richard (6) 3. Gamble (5)

Hardest Life outside of Polo: Simon “C3P-ooooohhhhh my Back” Tidy

Signing of the Season: Rob “6hr Tour” Loveless

Southern Rail Award for Incompetence: Matt “do we have a game this week?” Finch

team phantastic-phil

Thanks for a great 2016 guys!!

Forza Narwhali!!!

Man Down!! Man Down!!

Monday saw the Narwhals take their first trip to the London Aquatic Centre (Olympic Pool) to play our first Thameside League game of the season – the traditional curtain raiser against London Orca. What followed was truly an effort worthy of Olympians… true athletic heroes…

november-10th-stats

With a 8pm kick-off time, the Narwhals began to assemble from far and wide. Shute, Finch Snr, Oggy & Holah found themselves in a pub, Weeble journeyed the length of the Jubilee line, Loveless drove (bringing the travelling support), but Bowen, Finch Jnr and new boy Charles got caught up in what can only be described as a Southern Rail shambles. #southernfail

As 8pm came and went, the Narhwals prepared to play the game with 6 men – their additional 3 no where to be seen – and come 8.15pm, we were forced to bite the bullet and take on the Orca’s a man down. It took us a few moments to get to grips with our situation and Orca quickly shot into a 2 goal lead, but we very quickly got the hang of it and raced into a 3-2 lead at the end of the quarter. A combination of fast counters and scramble defence helping to break down the opposition.

The second quarter saw another herculean effort as we pushed ahead into a 6-2 lead. Nick “counter attack” Shute picked up a brace, the highlight being a delightful push shot lob, whilst Rob “Love wood” Loveless grabbed a goal too, with a little help from the post (of course he did). Despite having a double mark in the pit, Andy “fighter” Ogg, in a period of superb play, managed to get not one, but two Orca’s ejected – giving us an unexpected man-up opportunity which we were happy to put away.

As we started the 3rd quarter, our spirits were lifted by the arrival of our missing compatriots. Back to a full compliment of 7, we took to the pool confident of a securing the win. Sadly our confidence was misplaced as Orca scored 3 goals on the bounce. We struggled to get a goal in the third, a combination of tiredness and wayward shooting affecting our game. This was typified by Rob “show-off” Loveless, who in an attempt to impress the Mrs. took a big wind-up, only to sky the ball and almost put the ball in her lap… 7-5 at the close.

The 4th quarter was much better and we found our composure. More goals from Mr. Shute were followed by a bundled short rage goal by Gimli (doing his best to avoid destroying any rings) and another by Ogg. Final score was 11-7. A superb victory given the circumstances!! Certainly deserving of the celebratory Wagamamas afterwards!!

Man of the match this week went to Nick “goals” Shute, re-finding his form and bagging 4 goals. Moment of the match was shared between the 6 mighty narwhals who held the fort whilst reinforcements arrived. The mighty resistance was reminiscent of the stand at Helms Deep – epic. Finally, fluffer this week is a shared award. Despite Southern Rail being voted for 3 times, it was not a match event so did not count. Therefore we move to the next 2 individuals – Rob “shit shot” Loveless for trying to pass to his wife, and Andy “shit shot” Ogg for his terrible penalty… terrible…

Onwards to our next battle – away at Blue Marlin!!

Forza Narwhali!!!

A Spook-tacular Halloween trip to the end of the Northern Line

Monday 31st October saw an intrepid 8, journey to the furthest end of the Northern Line to face Enfield for our final game of the season. Messers Shute, Gamble, Ogg and Richards had some perfect pre-match preparation in a cheeky Nandos, whilst gents Bowen, Mann, Holah and Finch jnr braved a half lap of the M25. Ghosts of matches past suggested any result between a thrashing and a victory – only time would tell!!

november-5th-stats

Having had a halloween nightmare of his own, we were without Finch Snr – a match day maddy to add to his woes – so Gary “Banshee” Bowen stepped up to the mark and went in goal. A strong display as always from the Narwhals number 2!!

The game kicked off superbly, with Ed “Ghoulish” Gamble winning a swim-off (miracles do happen – I won another one as well!!). We had a strong first quarter, with Chris “Mummified” Mann re-finding his form and grabbing a superb goal from the top of the arc. It seems all those “King-Pin” sessions have helped!! Chris continued to be a threat from the top of the arc all game as Enfield double marked Oggy to try and stop him scoring 6 goals like he did in the home game. They sadly succeeded, with Andy “Ogre” Ogg only getting 2 goals on this occasion. By the end of the first quarter the score was 4-3 to Enfield, but we had worked hard to get those 3 goals.

The remaining 3 quarters saw the lead see-sawing between the two teams. Phil “Repulsive” Richards picked up 3 goals, whilst Nick “Spooky” Shute grabbed himself 2. Zac “fiendish” Finch also managed to get on the score sheet with a delightful lob to the far post. It is never fun to travel so far, but when you put in a good performance, it certainly makes it worth while!! Sadly we eventually sank to a 13-11 defeat – but with league survival secured, we were only playing for pride – and I think we did a good job at that!!

Man of the match this week wend to Chris Mann for being a constant menace from the top the arc. A near unanimous vote coincided delightfully with his birthday!! Hope you had a good one Chris!! Moment of the Match also went to the king of limoncello for a wonderfully well taken goal in the third quarter (an assist from Ed Gamble fyi…). A double whammy for the birthday boy!!

Fluffer this week should have gone to Finch Snr for his nightmare of an evening, but as he wasn’t at the game, we couldn’t give it to him. Fluff this week went to Andy “punchy” Ogg who ruined a well planned man-up situation by having a fight with a member of the opposition. We took a time out and everything and even told Phil not to shoot after 3 seconds. Little did we know Oggy would get a reversal within 5… Cheers Oggy…

Bringing this London League season to a close, we now have the delights of the Thameside League to look forward to. See you at the LAC on Monday!!

Forza Narwhali!!

Have Enfield Juniors finally succumb to the Narwhals lifestyle?

With survival all but guaranteed in the league, the 9 plucky Narwhals knew that a strong performance v Enfield was all for pride. Minus their 2 big talismans, the Ginger Destroyer and Mo “Fat”ah, an impressive performance saw the Narwhals emerge with an 11-10 victory. It seems the Enfield juniors have discovered what we all know so fondly as “beer”, and were not very happy with how this new found addiction is hindering their performance.

october-14th-stats

Because Finchy could only manage to send me a photo of half the match sheet, I can only comment on the goals and majors we acquired. It was consistent, with 3 in the 1st, 2 in the 2nd, 3 in the 3rd and 3 in the 4th. A total of 7 majors given away not too shabby, with Punhcy Holah and Brutal Gary furthering their tally by 2 each in chase of the Catas Trophy. With the current top scorer dodging Italian drivers in Palermo, the chasers had a good opportunity to start the catch up. Goal H”ogg” making the most of this picking up a double hat trick, but past his prime Shute and Poobacca only managing the single goal each, with Wood Lover Loveless bagging a couple. Major Mann did just that to avoid the Maddy, leaving just Zach to take the only one of the game, failing to execute his usually so obvious pull back in the middle of the pool.

A strong performance was however marred by the disastrous man up attacks. I can’t see how many majors they got, but it was at least as many as us and we only scored 2. Something to practice in training! But we executed tactics well and they we’re getting very very frustrated towards the end, especially those beer guzzling not so juniors, which is always satisfying.

Unanimous man of the match this week to Oggy for his goals, some well taken, and some you could consider very skillful or very lucky. For this, Oggy also takes moment of the match. A slightly wayward shot from Gary was flicked goal wards from 2m, hit the post, hit the keeper in the back of the head and went in. Winning goal as well. Fluffer was also fairly unanimous, though a couple of votes (including self vote) to Loveless for a terrible pass on the man up. But this weeks winner is Holah for some quite frankly awful shots. Keep your head up son, better luck next time.

Forza narwhali!!

(this weeks stats edition submitted by guest reporter N. Shute)

Calculated Clock Management

In our first game post-tour, the mighty Narwhals lined up against Avondale II’s in a must win fixture to ensure survival in London League Div 2. The pressure was on, the table was unmanned, and our Keeper was busy getting lost on holiday… The odds were stacked against us – could the heroes of CR2 prevail?

september-26th-stats

Before the start of the game, two linchpins of the side were missing – Sarah “Fan #1” Bowen was sadly missing from the table and Matt “wayward” Finch was missing from keeping duties.  As a result we all bravely had to step up. Gimli, Floater, Young and Finch Jnr all stepped up on the table (with mixed results…), whilst Gary “safe hands” Bowen once more took the mantle of keeper. Equally, other members of the team made great contributions – Dan “#gainz” Bedford and Rob “6-hour Tour” Loveless stepped up with some goals, whilst Nick “shoot for the stars” stepped up to take a penalty… more on that later…

The first quarter started well, mostly because Gimli wasn’t in the pool – as a result we won the swim-off. Dan and Nick (despite his best efforts) contributed with goals, whilst our strong defense limited Avondale only to shots from the top of the arc. First quarter finished 3-3. In the second quarter  we really showed our dominance, with Ed “playmaker” Gamble making an immediate impact, 5-2 for the quarter, 8-5 for the half. Rob, John and Dan all contributed with goals, whilst Zac “smasher” Finch did his very best to prevent any Avondale players escaping their own half!!

The 3rd quarter saw another 3-3 draw, with Loveless providing another two goals alongside John “top of the arc” Holah who was a constant menace from 7m. This left the mighty Narwhals with a 3 goal lead going into the 4th – all we had to do was manage the clock and defend well. We did that exceptionally – and with 2 minutes to go and the score at 12-10, Nick “Obi wan(k)” Shute had an opportunity to secure the game with a late penalty. Two thoughts ran through his mind at this point… 1.) score the goal and secure survival for his team… 2.) Keep the game exciting for the fans… The below graphic indicates the option he chose…

 

the-moon-2

 

Despite his best efforts however, the Narwhals finally triumphed 12-11, keeping the hopes of survival alive!! All that remains now are a home and away game against Enfield. So by that, I mean a home game against Enfield…

Man of the Match this week very narrowly went to John “point man” Holah for a strong performance in the pit. He narrowly beat (on the last vote) Rob “MEDIC!!” Loveless who was applauded for his 5 goal haul. Again, shout out to Gary for his heroics in goal!! Moment of the Match was awarded to Dan and Zac for their delightful collaborative goal from the pit. I think eventually Avondale will learn not to drop off Zac… Kudos to Bedford as well for his naughty back shot lob – Jedi-esque!! Fluffer this week was very clearly awarded to Mr. Shute for his wayward shooting. Nasa said they would bring our ball back eventually…

Until next time… Forza Narwhali!!

And it all went to pot in the 4th…

7 days before Tour and it seems that our minds are already focused on the glorious fields of Hasslt rather than in the pool. Last Monday saw a disappointing 4th quarter capitulation against Avondale 2’s – where being 10-8 down in the 3rd we fell to a 17-10 defeat… Here are the stats:

19th Aug stats

The first quarter started well, finishing at 2-2 despite our inability to follow the game plan and front mark the pit. Rob and Phil provided the goals whilst Shute, Bowen and Gamble provide the majors. The 2nd quarter wasn’t too bad either, ending 6-5, but we were still struggling to employ our desired front mark tactic and slowly our defense began to break down. We were also let down by some wayward shooting and some suspicious refereeing that left us 5-2 up on exclusions at half-time.

We began to lose our way in the third. We conceded too many goals from counter attacks and we made far too many mistakes that allowed the game to get away from us. Despite Bedford picking up a brace and Shute finally scoring a one on one (I know I can’t talk) we found ourselves two down going into the 4th but the game still felt eminently winnable… then the 4th quarter happened…

We lost the 4th 7-2. We suddenly decided we didn’t want to defend or win the game and we did not help ourselves or each other to try and put things right. Loose shots, not watching for counters and not picking up players all contributed to a sloppy defeat. We need to stop having these 4th quarter melt-downs and try to stay focused for the full game… I’m sure we will be able to show our worth on Tour…

Man of the Match this week went to Dan “pit man” Bedford who also managed to pick up Moment of the Match for a glorious combination of a few of his goals. The highlight being his combination with Finchy for a route 1 goal, but also a superb goal where he linked up with Gary. It must also be mentioned that Finchy made a great save with his face which led to not one, but two stoppages in play!!

Fluffer this week was highly competitive and we have actually ended up with a 3-way tie (with 2 votes each). First we have Tadija “ball drop” Popovic for his shot/pass/drop that didn’t go very far. Second we have Gary “stay with your man” Bowen for too many swims that left an Avondale player free. Finally we have Rob “wayward” Loveless for too many shots that weren’t on target. That being said dishonourable mentions need to go to Ed “missing a 1:1” Gamble and Nick “please try and score more push-shots” Shute who both got one vote each. We also had a vote for “Everyone”… it was close – I nearly did it…

Still be investigated by the Portuguese police this week is Mr. Young, but he is also joined by Chris Mann and Luke Penfold for match day infringements. We are all disgusted by their behaviour…

As we approach Tour, it is important to start practising your lobs, headers and over-head kicks… not to mention your pinting techniques!!

Until next time – Forza Narwhali!!

Look at the Stats on that!!

It has been a few weeks since we have had a proper look at the stats chart and there have been two games where the Narhwals have been without their two key players – Messers Gimli and Grumpy – resulting in a loss and a draw. Now is a special opportunity to look at the stats in detail!!

August 9th Stats

On the goal front it is extremely interesting to see how the goals are spread around when Bedford is not in the pool. Most evidently, Andy “goal haul” Ogg grabbed 8 in 2 games whilst our top scorer was away. Those 8 goals lift Andy into the Green Zone with Phil “backsplash” Richards and Rob “3 majors” Loveless in hot pursuit. It is also tight a little further down – with Weeble, Tony, Punchy and Static separated by 2 goals.

Top striker Bedford is 23 goals off the century mark and with a goals per game ration of 3.67 is expected to break that boundary easily – especially as we power towards the Thameside League games in November and December. Compared to the same time last year, Nick “Von Poo” Shute is 8 goals down on his tally, despite having played 4 more games this year. Similarly Phil and Oggy are 8 and 3 goals down respectively. That being said, as a team we have scored 60 more goals this season having played 4 more games. Our goal difference so far for the season is +30, compared to last year’s -21.

In regards to majors, this is as ever a strongly “fought” competition, with John “Do you want some?” Holah leading the pack (as always) on 22 majors. Despite vocal threats at the Christmas Dinner from Mrs. Holah that he’d “be in trouble” if he brought the Catas Trophy home for a third year, it seems he hasn’t taken that message on board… He is closely followed by the usual suspects Ed “lazy major” Gamble (20) and Gary “Brutal” Bowen (19). This year’s surprise package is Nick “dirty cheat” Shute, following the leading pack with 17. This year we have committed 140 majors – with Finch Jnr holding the highest Brutality Rating of 3.00 – closely followed by Mr. Bowen on 2.71. Amazingly, Simon “clean as a whistle” Tidy has managed 10 games without committing a major… probably because he never covers back…

By far and away our best player this year (by Man of the Match) awards is Dan “Goals” Bedford (7) with Nick “Magic Moments” Shute leading the field with Moment of the Match nominations (8). The fluffiest fluffer at the moment is Matt “wayward” Finch (5), but he is closely followed by Tadija “jumping in” Popovic and Nick “not fair” Shute – both on 4. Currently on a leave of absence in Portugal are Messers Richards, Gamble and Mann (5,5,6) – hopefully they will be found soon…

There is still a long way to go in the season and plenty of time to rack-up some Fluffs, Maddys and Majors.

Forza Narwhali!!

It was all a bit meh…

Short and sweet this week due to the game being massively disappointing and it being Q2 reporting
season….
Despite numerous holiday absentees we were upbeat due to the absence of Ed ‘15% swim off win/loss
ratio’ Gamble. Needless to say we won all the swim offs and given we were three up with 4 mins
left of the game we should have won that as well.
The first quarter saw us take a strong lead despite attacking the very shallow end, Nick scoring a
glorious route one goal in the process. Our resident anaesthetist managed to get himself ejected
twice for getting overly physical but our man down defence held strong…. 2 – 1 at the end of the
first.
The second quarter saw more of the same with Oggy being utterly dominant in the pit and getting
either ejections or goals when we managed to pass him the ball and not throw it over his head :-/
Rob scored a very nice man up goal before getting himself red carded for giving the ref a funny look.
Literally. Still, wrapped up Fluffer nice and early. 4 – 2 at half time.
The third quarter saw us continue to dominate, both Oggy and Big Si scored the finest back shots
from the pit you will ever see . 7 – 5 going into the final quarter.
The last quarter was a shocker. We went 8 – 5 up before throwing it all away in a horrific final two
minutes. Chris Mann did score his first goal since Feb though! Final score 10 – 10.
Mom this week was Oggy who yet again thoroughly dominated the Kingston defence
Moment went to a very nice route one goal, pass from keeper to Nick’s hand on opposition 4m, first
time shot into top corner of shallow end goal.
Fluffer was Rob for somewhat unfairly getting himself wrapped in the second quarter.
Nobody went missing, everyone contributed. Mostly by getting themselves ejected though….

A formal stats report will come soon once Gamble sorts his life out and updates the tables…

Forza Narwali!

El Classico – Croydon Derby Day

When you think of some of the really big derbies in World sport, Athletico vs Real Madrid, Manchester City vs Utd, Everton vs Liverpool, Boca Juniors vs River Plate… I’m sure you’ll all agree that Croydon II vs WT Narwhals is up there with the best of them. The 3rd ‘South West Croydon Super-Classico’ of the year most certainly didn’t disappoint the massive crowd of 10, 2 of whom were allegedly there to support us (although given Floaters performance I’ll be amazed if they ever come again).

Unfortunately the guts of our team had been ripped out in a post cup win holiday binge but our sturdy 10 were obviously massively buoyed by the absence of well known Portuguese police prank caller, Ed ‘Tour TJ’ Gamble. As an extra bonus, Tristan ‘Yes Sir’ Heath made the second of his usual biannual appearances to help swell numbers.

The game started in our usual fashion, losing the swim off and conceding pretty soon afterwards. Unfortunately Croydon stalwart Hadley ‘angry policeman’ Potter began to terrorise our defence (quite literally in Gary’s case with whom he was exchanging some delightful pleasantries) and a second goal was soon conceded, we were however making opportunities, just failing to take them. Nick did score a nice breakaway goal to leave the score at 2-1 at the end of the first. The second period followed the same theme as the first with Croydon (Hadley) scoring three quick goals followed by a Nick  breakaway, yet again we created enough chances to be leading comfortably but struggled with the concept of hitting the target… This quarter also saw Andy ‘Scoutmaster’ Ogg get himself punched in full view of both refs, inexplicably the culprit was only sent out. At half time the score was Hadley 5, Narwhals 2.

The third quarter belonged to “The Scoutmaster”. Oggy had taken time out from drinking in a field singing dirty songs (leading a scout troop?) to help us out in our hour of need and duly scored two quick fire goals to bring us right back into the game, these coupled with a Tim ‘Patent pending’ Young goal and another fine Nick shot began to put Croydons legendary team spirit under pressure. Needless to say they responded by hurling abuse at each other. Alas it wasn’t to last, Zach got himself sent out for beating up Croydon behemoth Dave Leach and Croydon scored in the resulting man down. Scores at the end of the third, Croydon 8 – Narwhals 6.

The final quarter was a cagey affair with neither side really pressing home any advantage. Unfortunately we were unable to put additional pressure onto the already fragile Croydon concept of team. However Oggy scored two more, including a beautiful fourth goal to cap a fine individual display. The game ended as a creditable 11 – 9 loss but with plenty of positives.

Man of the match was unanimously voted as Mr Ogg for absolutely bossing the Croydon pit. When he wasn’t double marked he either scored or got a man sent out. Moment of the match also went to Oggy for his catch and shot from 7m that smashed in off the post although honourable mentions go to Nick for his recovered one on one miss and Zach for bullying an ex GB international player into moaning to the referee… Fluffer went to Tadija who on two separate occasions dropped the ball on 2m when a goal looked imminent. Catching practice?

Floater, Tadija and Tris all failed to trouble the table this week, Floater’s being terribly disappointing given he’d brought spectators and everything. Tadija and Tris disappeared before we could take photos for our wall of shame… Forza Narwali!