Last week saw the Narwhals take on Beckenham 2’s in the London League. Our first experience of the new London League rules and our first failure to grasp them. A sturdy 9 turned up for the game, crucially buoyed by the first appearance of the season by Dan “Iron Man” Bedford. Clearly Nick challenging his record for the year was causing him some concern… Rather unhelpfully, both our goalkeepers were on holiday, so Gary “Gareeeeeeeeeee” Bowen, in the style of Shakespearean tragic hero, volunteered to go between the posts.

April 22nd Stats

Pre-game we had a nifty little team talk. “Remember the new rules” we said loudly several times, “don’t let them shoot from corners, don’t foul them from behind. Job done.”. Oh how we wish it was that simple…

In honesty I don’t remember much about the game. They kept beating us on the counter attack and if we managed to get back and defend properly, we were picked off from distance. Whilst performing an admirable job between the sticks, Gary was very unlucky with some heavily deflected shots flying past him. Beckenham were also equally good at finding the top corner!!

Shute and Bedford shared the pick of the goals with Gamble and Richards chipping in with their own efforts. Holah made a triumphant return with a typical major and Finch Jnr gave away a spectacular penalty, absolutely nailing the pit man after being turned. Congratulations on putting yourself in firm contention for the Catas!!

Scores were 6-10 at the half; 10-18 at full time.

Man of the Match went to Bedford for his first appearance of the year. He did all the things we expected – growled grumpily from the pit, told us we were all rubbish, questioned why he played with us in the first place and scored a few goals. He also won Moment of the Match for a delightful lob into the far corner (of the goal). Not to be confused with one of my shots that went into the far corner of the pool…

Fluffer this week could have been a close run thing with the award being shared. Sadly for one of the pair, we were sympathetic to the one who took the bullet and went in goal. Despite having been warned of shots directly from the corner, and with Weeble’s shouts of “watch him, don’t let him shoot!!” still ringing in his ears, this member of the team decided to turn his back on the Beckenham player swimming to take a corner. Within a moment, the shot was taken and the ball was in the net. The narwhals fall foul of the new rules for the first (and definitely not the last) time this year. Congrats Charles, you win!!

Hopefully we will do a better job of trying to win the game next time.

Forza Narwhali!!

This week the stats report has been updated to include three previous games vs. Orca, Avondale and Otter. Match reports are sold separately. The following tale includes heroics, stupidity, cramp and a sublime back shot from the least likely of candidates.

April 14th Stats

Some things in life are inevitable. Birth, Death, and Matt Finch forgetting we have a game. Last Wednesday was another one of those occasions. A sturdy 9 Narwhals turned up at Whitgift pool for a 9pm training session, all looking forward to what could turn into an early night. Just before we started our swim set, a warning shot was fired across our decks – one member of the opposition wandered cautiously onto poolside. We told him in no uncertain terms there was no game and he disappeared back into the changing rooms. Oh how we laughed…

Led by Rob D, we then conducted a 20 minute swim session where we did sprints, legs and butterfly. Suitably tired, we were then greeted by a full team of London Otter players who arrived on pool side for a 9.30pm game. Brandishing the London League fixture list, it was clear the game was on… With no table, no refs and barely enough players to service both, the Narwhal Horn was sounded into the night – “BADDOOOOOOOOOPPPP!! BADDOOOOOOOOOPPPP!!”.

“Too far, too tired” came the response from Shute. “I’m working” from Holah. A silent void from the rest – the beacons of Gondor well and truly ignored. Luckily President Ogg did come to our aid, importantly brandishing a match sheet as he ran onto poolside. Also buoyed by the long awaited return of Luke “finals and photo shoots” Penfold, the Narwhals were ready for battle.

In honesty, there is not a lot to say about the game. It was scrappy and Otter had clearly brought a mixed strength team including some (a) very good 1st team player. In the first quarter they scored 4 without response until referee Finch Snr rather expertly gave a penalty for an illegal entry. Even more surprisingly, Weeble dispatched the penalty with a bouncing effort into the bottom corner. 4-1 to Otter after Q1.

Quarter 2 ended 8-1 to Otter and we struggled to get into the game. No goals coincided with Gamble doing the refereeing. Read into that what you will. Unfortunately we lost Penfold to cramp at the end of the quarter. His “easy” return to training somewhat scuppered by this unexpected game. Two quarters on the table was his reward!!

Quarter 3 was a little better. We worked a bit harder and they only scored from outside the arc. A few misplaced passes didn’t help our cause and we struggled to slow down the play and use up the clock. Even so, we got a few good shots away and finally got the goal we deserved. A drive from halfway across the goal by Gimli was picked out by a looping pass from Ogg. Aided by a dubious Finch Snr pull-back, Gimli had enough time to put the resulting back shot into the top corner off the post and crossbar. Assists to Ogg and Finch? Q3 ended 12-2.

In honesty, we played quite well despite the situation. Our drop on the pit worked well and most of their goals came from counter attacks or from 8-9m off the arc. Quarter 4 saw goals from Oggy and Finchy, making the score sheet slightly less uncomfortable reading. 15-4 the final score.

Man of the Match went to Gamble as did moment for the back-shot. You flatter me guys. Fluffer unanimously went to Matt Finch, the Incompetence award wrapped up for another year.

Until next time… Forza Narwhali!!

[EDIT: Another slightly late entry, this time provided by Mr. Shute. This report was provided in a somewhat more timely fashion, but sadly just after Dr. Loveless’, thus allowing our resident doctor to avoid any fineage. Seems like a good game.]

The mighty Narwhals, depleted by the missing Gimly, Woody, Oggy, Punchy, Floaty and Gingy, travelled to Putney for arguably their first real challenge of the season against Avondale. With so many star players out, victory was but a distant dream, but the Narwhals ploughed on with thoughts of a London Pride that took 10 minutes to pour keeping them interested.

Their hopes were lifted however, when Shutey won the swim off, went in the pit, “turned” his man and slotted in all within 25 seconds. Blows were traded over the next 6 and a half minutes, neither team taking control of the game. With 13 seconds remaining, Avondale took a 5-4 lead and the Narwhals looked like they would be going in behind. But, with 2 seconds left on the clock, Shute went for the audacious parabola from half way. It sailed through the air, rotating majestically, the buzzer went, but it carried on, the keeper could only watch as it sailed into the goal. What was he doing? 5-5.

In the second quarter we really showed what an absolute pile of rubbish team we can be at times. Slack passing, poor balls into the pit and bad shooting, combined with lack of fitness and awareness, allowed Avondale to score 3 unanswered break away goals. The one man up we did win came to nothing, and we went in 8-5 behind after losing the swimming race.

We contained this for the first 2 minutes of the 3rd and found ourselves 12-6 behind with a quarter and a half to play. What happened next can only be described as a Monday night miracle. To sarcastic shouts of “shoot!” from the opposition bench, Timmy “cannon” Young smashed the ball into the bottom corner from 5m. Some clever play (slash slack defending) from Dicky Dickinson and good saves from Andy got us 2 more, with one another lob from half way as the keeper rushed out to try and fill the gap left by the defenders. Another break away goal from Shutey to give Avondale a taste of their own medicine and take the score to 12-10 at the end of the 3rd, the come back well and truly on!

With their horns up, the Narwhals continued to push and Finchy chipped in with another goal, before a sublime blind back hand pass whilst being drowned by his defender found Shutey to slam home for 12-12. Shutey then added another to make it 13-12 to the Narwhals, the come back complete. Could the Narwhals see out the game?

Nope.

The effort it had taken to get us there was too much. Chrissy Mann couldn’t help but drown his man and they scored from the resultant man up. 3 more fairly sloppy goals in the final 2 minutes saw us slip to a 16-13 loss. Not a bad effort considering, a shame about the absolute collapse in the second and half the third quarter.

Man of the match this week goes to Shutey for his shooting. Another 8 goals to add to this seasons tally as he chases down Bedfords scoring record from the previous year. Moment also goes to Shutey for his audacious lob on the buzzer, their keeper certainly taking their fluffer for letting that go in. Shout out to Finchy Snr for his blind back hand pass. Fluffer was pretty unanimous this week with Finch snr picking up all but one of the votes, and that wasn’t even his own vote… Fair play to Charles for voting the whole team for the second quarter.

If we could all work on our fitness and awareness for future we’d win that game. Alternatively let’s just get Woody, Oggy, Punchy, Floaty and Gingy back in the pool.

Forza Narwhali!

[EDIT: Following a long hiatus, we go back into the archives to look at a game that happened as long ago as February. Due to international doctoring commitments on the slopes of Mont Blanc, Dr. Loveless only managed to get this written 3 weeks after the game – this is despite telling us that “once I’ve knocked them out, I’ve got loads of time to mess about…”. The life of the modern doctor…]

Several months ago, the Narwhals took on the Orcas in the latest round of the Battle of the Arctic, this time taking place in the warmer waters of Whitgift pool. 10 Narwhals vs 11 Orcas, the stage was set for an epic battle. As aquatic mammals have evolved, the Narwhal remains in its prehistoric form, it’s majestic tusk a sign of its prowess and presumably used to spear fish when it isn’t grappling with rivals or foes. Such weaponry proved too much for the Orca pod early, as the Narwhals raced to a 4-0 lead, Rob D and Shute providing 2 apiece. Something of an orca comeback appeared after that with the first quarter ending 5-3.

The second quarter saw a resurgence from the men with tusks, as a well fought pit goal from Oggy and an outside shot from Holah combined with 2 more for Shute resulted in the Narwhals extending their lead to 9-4 at half time.

As the second half began the floodgates opened. This was the era of the Narwhal backhook shot as up to 4 shots found the net while eyes were turned the other way. Nick and Rob L both served up offerings of the now famous Wing backshot, one from each flank. These were both nominated for moment of the match with Rob’s effort narrowly winning the award. Also of note this period was a fantastic 1 on 1 save from Andy in goal, keeping the Orca charge at bay, and 4 goals for Shute. 16-4 with 1 quarter to go. A penalty was missed at some stage. No idea who missed it…

The fourth quarter continued in a similar vein with goals from Oggy, Holah and 2 from Rob L bringing the final score to 20-7 and another Narwhal victory. Man of the match went to Nick for 8 goals and an outstanding work rate. Fluffer this week went to Rob D, for several missed 1 on 1s and generally loose shooting. Next match report to follow very soon as we have played again in the time it took me to write this.

Forza Narwhali